Posts Tagged ‘love’
A lot of change in 9 months …
I’m not sure I can adequately bring both you and ME up to speed on the last several months. I’ll try, however.
In may of 2011, I finally said good-bye to “r” and decided to move on with my Life. While I told him then that there was no one else, I was wrong. I knew from the moment I first started talking to @kentague aka Kenneth that there was just something about him. This is the part where if this were a movie or sitcom, the screen would go all funny and you’d hear a dozen difference voices telling me I “deserve to be loved”, I’ll “find the right guy” and the like. When anyone hears this after years of heartbreak or a particularly difficult break-up, one tends to think it’s a load of RUBBISH and SHIT. I certainly did … <camera goes funny again> but fast forward to almost, neigh, immediately after said break-up. I didn’t know it but when Kenneth posted the photo saying “distance means so little when someone means so much”, well, that clinched it some where in my heart. I really did at that moment start to believe, on some level, that all that RUBBISH and SHIT people had been telling me could maybe, sort of, kind of be true. Read the rest of this entry »
Engaged!
I haven’t posted since I started my new job back around July of this year. It’s been a weird and mostly wonderful roller coaster from starting a new job and all the stress that goes with it to nurturing a new relationship. I am pleased to announce that as of 23rd November, 2011 Ken Tague asked me to marry him. We picked our the engagement ring together. We got a bit lost on our way home from the jewelry store, had to be rescued by “C” but by the time we got back to our beautiful hotel room at The Clarendon in downtown Phoenix, Ken was ready to ask “officially”.
More details will be forth coming as the even nears. We are shooting for Fall of next year, hopefully October/November. We will also be posting to our mutual wedding website which I will post a link to as it comes together.
To all that are supporting us and cheering us on, thank you!I know our courtship has been fairly brief (though longer than many I know of), we’re very much in love and very happy together. I’ve never met another man so kind, loving and compassionate. He truly fulfills me in every way.
love – k
Posted in "C", @kentague, love, PhoenixKat, relationships | 
Tags: happy, life, love, Twitter | 
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a few other thoughts …
It’s 10:04 pm and I should be asleep. I took some sleeping pills an hour and a half ago to help me to get to sleep. Wouldn’t you know, I’m wide awake and “thinking”. I had set out to put some tunes on to relax me but after listening a little deeply to the lyrics, I started to cry. I realized I really let my relationship with “R” do a number on me emotionally.
Read the rest of this entry »
Protected: No More Crying.
Posted in "r", @kentague, dating, Ex-Boyfriends, lonliness, love, relationships, romantic adversaries | Tags: "r", character, dating, depressed, life, love, Twitter | Comments Closed
I’m at my wits end …
I received a text from “R” this morning, a simple hello and what he did last night. I felt filled with jealousy for the people in his new life in CA, that I’m not part of that life. I then felt teary and felt angry, that he’s never once come to see me since he left in 2006. I’ve asked him MORE times than I can count over years to let me go and stop speaking to me if he doesn’t want me or love me. But he never does it, he can’t pull the trigger. He always says that he does want me, he does love me. But yet he’s not said in months or ever (without me saying it first) that he misses me or loves me. He hasn’t made one attempt to see me.
It’s been over for me for a long time, at least since before I moved out of the house on Palm Lane. He knew then how angry and resentful I was getting, how it was effecting my feelings toward the future significantly. Yet he still didn’t agree that we should stop speaking.
I want to move on, I want to meet someone else and be happy. I want to not feel guilt for speaking with someone else or having an attraction to someone else. I shouldn’t feel guilty, there wasn’t much relationship to speak of and yet I do feel as if I owe him … something. What else could I give? I’ve given money, I’ve given my love and most importantly, years of my TIME. Time I could have met someone else. Time I could’ve maybe been married in or had a child, maybe could have found love. But I hung on, being a silly believer in true love overcoming.
True love just hurts, it doesn’t overcome a damned thing.
How do I say “well for me it’s been over but now I can’t even speak to you because when I do, I burst into tears of anger, jealously, hurt, resentment …”. I haven’t a clue how to say “good-bye” to someone I’ve loved so MUCH, so G*damned much.
Time to eat my lunch, contemplate my options. Feel sad and broken inside. Feeling a lot of conflicting emotions but I know what is healthiest for me, to move on for real. To really say I’m seeing other people, I’m moving on with my life, I’m not being strung along a moment longer. *sob* I don’t know how to do that. Theory, fine but practice, not so much.
love – k
PS. For background, go to “Not a Love Story” and start at the beginning.