I know, I only say something when things are terrible, don’t I?

The update: I lost my job in May and was unemployed until July 11th when I started a new job. Things have been going well except for a few small errors here and there. Of course that causes major panic in my mind but no one else seems bothered much.

My love life has been on a surprising up swing with a wonderful, kind, loving man in my Life. We talk every day and its as if we’ve known each other ages. I’m very comfortable with him. I love how he makes me feel like a lady, despite the fact that I’m sometimes vulgar, insane or vapid. He seems to roll with me and love me despite my recent tumbles.

Speaking of tumbles, since I lost said job I now am without health care. This is of course a concern that creeps in the back of my mind daily with my FMS and various chronic issues. I manage alright with a positive attitude and pain killers but take away the pain killers (what few I can stomach) and the positive attitude starts to wain.

With this said, my dr has picked now to deny my Tramadol refill and require me to come see her. I’ll call and appeal to her mercy until I can arrange insurance through the temp agency I’m working for. All of this means of course 1) hoping she extends my scrip and 2) less money because I’m sure the coverage won’t be cheap.

I’m already struggling daily to make it through a day before I come home and pass out. Its terrifying to deal with worsened pain while trying to hold down a job I am praying will go permanent (which is a whole other story).

I tell myself I have to follow my usual strategy of systematically reviewing my obstacles and then calmly tackling each one. Of course that’s hard for me, not being a master at organising my own life. I’m great at organising work things but Life things? Gah, I’m a wreck at it!!

*deep breaths*

I just need to pray, take some time to think things through and not rush my actions. Yes, that’s all important. I just wish I weren’t so fucking exhausted all the time. :-(

– k

One Response to Panic Sets In …

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