Monthly Archives: August 2004

Ok I’m listing to Roxette … “musta been love …”. I love this song. It makes me cry like such a helplessly romantic little bitch. I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut and forced to watch romantic 80’s comedies (ok you wouldn’t really have to force me).

There is that feeling I used to feel constantly as a little girl. I used to watch Pretty Woman or some nonsense movie but feel that huge overly dramatic sense that love could be that special. Love can over-come every thing! Love it all that matters. I must not have felt very loved as a child because instead of wanting to get married and have a family as a little girl, I thought all that was flawed. I wanted just a lover … some one fantastic that would transport my body any where … take me away on a cloud of ecstacy. Some one who would stimulate my brain and make my body feel like the most beautiful thing ever.

Yeah, then I fucking grew up! I was so idealistic about love/romance/sex. I really thought I could find some one that would stimulate my mind with music and poetry. I thought… Continue reading

I thought this was horribly cute and I like pretending to make babies with my friends.

Marry Me Fucker!

One last thing before I go. I noticed through a post that a friend that I had once considered a very good friend but whom (as most of my friends) I’ve lost touch with just became a daddy. I’m filled with a huge sense of pride and joy for him. I feel very happy that he’s got a soulmate and a child which seem like wonderful blessings for him.

I also read another post from some one I do like very much but whom I do not really know. I see in his posts a sense of appreciation for the world and for the feelings of others. I find his remarking on these things to be insightful. I think that his care and attention to his world are refreshing … beautiful.

I find that I can’t accurately see my own life. I can only see myself through the eyes of the ones around me just like every one else (it hadn’t occured to me must until now really). I find I can guess at what the world might see me as or how the people around me might react to my success and my failure. I know that when I… Continue reading

I feel like I’ve been beaten with a large stick. I’m a bit depressed, feel like vomiting and have a massive headache. As usual, Mike has promissed people that we would do things with them even though I hate that. I guess we’re doing something w/ my friend Nicole and her fiance. They’re nice but I’m pretty much a home body, you know.

Mike and I saw “Hero” today. Chancellor D warned me that it was bad which was my gut feeling however after having seen it, I would say it was entertaining. It wasn’t like, the greatest movie I’ve ever seen but it was good. There were some cheezy moments but overall, I liked how the story flowed. I loved the way the colors changed in each different version of what happened. The colors just got better which each scene which I enjoyed. I thought the story was kind of interesting and I enjoyed that there was some emotional investment by the end of the film. I would overall say it’s not a waste of money to see as it is what a movie should be … entertainment.

Otherwise, I’m a bit down. I’m sick of fighting with Mike… Continue reading

Name that song!

Ok so my head has been swiming like an Olympiad on steroids lately. Some thoughts funny, some grim, some swerving into the general direction of enlighted but only through windows of melahcholy. On the whole, I’ve been whizzing around with so much on my mind, it isn’t possible to jot it down now.

The best news is that I was an insomniac last night so in my wine and Vicodin enduced haze, I went through the “closet of woe” to find a batch of old floppy disks. I happened upon a LONG story story that I’d be working on feverishly when I’d first moved to Tucson in 1998. I spent days sleepless working like a mad women on this story that played like a movie in my head. Sadly, my word processor died and I filed the disk away.

Well I popped it into Mike’s laptop today to see if any thing was there to salvage and to my surprise it was all pretty intacked with just some deletion of weird characters left over from my word processor. The story, I think … is surprisingly good. It’s rich with plot twists and a very unique core idea.… Continue reading

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