I don’t know what my problem is. I’ve had very intense feelings for a lot of men I’ve known. And they never go away … they just … slip into the background for a few months before some thing reminds me of them. I dredge them back up and feel so stupid and lonely again. I know that I seek the most impossible things … things in people that lures me in. Shiney things … their intelligence, their humor, their insanity, their sadness or vulernablity. And these things just haunt me forever … popping back up like silly rotting corpses … from the murk that is my life.
So I was torturing myself while thinking about “TM III”. I was curious to see if his website was still up. And it is. He still has my poetry up. I wonder about him. He told me I was … w/o creativity completely. That I was … boring. I got the impression that he thought I was nothing. No one. But yet at some point I can assume he liked that about me. Maybe he is a bit like me in the way that … once some one likes him, he likes… Continue reading
I just got home. Now I have to shower and charge my phone which should be working later on today … yeah, having a working, connected phone is always good.
God, I’m broke now though.
*sweating … huff huff*
I’m off to the bathroom to try to Frankenstein some good goth/retro makkup for tonight’s party. If any one has any good 50s style hair-do tips, please comment! I’m feeling glamorous today! Not like I’ll be meeting any special boys but you know …
blah fuck me in my ass blah.
hugs – k
It’s almost 7:00 on Saturday morning. I woke up angry w/ the deep desire to stab Mike in his sleep so I got up and went to the bathroom instead. I spent the better part of last night screaming at him … I’m not sure what it was … why.
When I came home, he was in the bedroom “cleaning”. Boxes every where … shit all over the bed. I had just come back from my beloved bosses going away party w/ a Cape Cod, Long Island Iced tea and Blow Job … all recently slammed … gurgling in my tummy. I also had a horrid migrane that was causing me to have blurry vision all night and stabbing pain in my right temple. All I wanted to do was come home and hop into bed … sleep off the alchol and not think about never seeing “Dar” again. Instead I erupted into rage that my bed was WET w/ some unknown substance … that he re-arranged MY bed and MY bedroom … tossed my bedside table … did God only knows what w/ my things. I just …. can’t handle the losing and ruining of my things by him.… Continue reading