‘i’ll be your whatever you want….’

Well damn I re-did my journal layout but I like it. Nice and white and upbeat looking. I’m proud. I think I’m going to give up on having a real web page for a while and concentrate on obsessing over my journal. I love my journal. It’s so pretty now! What else should I do to it?

‘i’m just looking… for a way around…you’re the rod…i’m water’ :)

I’m in a good mood tonight. I found a DAMN cute picture of Andy. I would post it but I’m afraid he might have to kill me. He’s nude except for a white feather boa! *giggling* My God it is the cutest thing around. So’s he. He’s so cute it’s well… scary. You’d have to meet the guy. He’s really sweet and lovable. But I don’ t know… I’ll shut up now.

And YES I still want “L”. But I’m feeling a little better about it all. I think I’m having some weird ass bi-polar episode because really, it’s not very normal for a girl to be euphoric for weeks and then take a REALLY sharp turn and be totally depressed and at times think a lot about suicide (I wouldn’t do it though.. at least not now… I have too much to do in life) and then B.A.M ! ! ! be all ok again. Esp. in the situation I am in right now. I should still feel like shit but I feel pretty good. My moods are so fucked up it’s not even funny.

‘drowning in the blackest sea…. head full blasting XTC’

That’s me all right.. drowning in the blackest sea… head fulll blasting xtc. Isn’t that insane? But damn I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m, oddly enough, very happy to be who I am. I really like myself… at least the me that’s all crazy and freakish and insane and fun well and even the me that’s sad and depressed and thoughtful. I mean I would have it no other way and I’m sure my friends wouldn’t either. That’s just who I am.

‘missed a spot’


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